it's been 9 months since you passed away

I took time off work teaching to nurse her at home to the end. I cannot deal with that thought. WHY? I try to be positive and move forward. I got on to all three of them cinema text message . I thought he slipped on the ice and hurt his back or knees. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary on 9 Nov, I yearn more and more for her. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? Stage one: denial. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. I hope you have found it and are working your way through all of this that we are all battling. 17 months since I lost my beloved Father. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. What hurts me the most is that I wasnt with him when he died. Recently my guilt has shifted. Try not to do that to your other child. Many blessings for all of you. TikTok video from Stacey (@lifeofathoroughbred): "can't believe it's been nearly a year since you passed away grumps #thoroughbred #angryhorse #alfiehorse #tempermental #dead #horsesoftiktok #passedaway". So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. with friends like that, who needs enemies. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. I do have friends and church family that will not allow me to stay inside for very long. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. I am just miserable, with no future in sight. Like Wendy D. and LB, my mom was my best friend and my constant companion (I cared for during a progressive illness that lasted several years). Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. I live each day knowing its going to be according to the lords plan. I feel badly about all the people who are still grieving as much as I am. I am just hoping, somehow it will help to get it out. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. He was 70 years old. They are blessings. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. They come 10 seconds apart and dont even give you time to catch your breath. There are many people today in situations where their pets mean everything to them just like any human being could. I pray to the Lord that he treats you as kindly as you treated us. When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. Thats hard at 69 . Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel. Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. I pray alot. Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and Im supposed to not talk about my son. Year 2.5 has made me more vulnerable to thoughtless remarks. And, cry most of the time. I lost both my boys 2 years ago mike 38 april 20,2016 and chris 39 september 20, 2016, I cant get over the pain my heart is hurting so much.I just want tobe with them I am having flashbacks like it happened yesterday..shock and reality has set in. I try to keep positive and remember that the love I have for him is stronger than anything in this world. For me going on this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the lose. I wish peace for all our hearts. Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. I feel horrible. I lost my husband 5 months ago we were married r5 yrs. Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. I lost my mother, almost two years ago. I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. I lightly recommend this only as I am just starting to read it myself. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. When the ship is first wrecked, youre drowning, with wreckage all around you. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. I lost my dad n 2009, my mom 2011, & most recently my husband 2016 after 35 yrs of marriage. He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. I keep telling myself that he would want nothing more than for me to live out my life in a way that is rich and full. To Everyone, I feel your pain. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. It is 660,116 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.. Or 1807 years, 4 months excluding the end date.. Or 21688 months excluding the end date. My husband died on June 4th 2016 .He was fine ,ran 8 miles a day. I can't believe that it's been almost four months since my baby Beemo passed away. My husband was a juvenile diabetic since his teen yrs. I believe that the Lord made our hearts for relationships, and that we are not to go life alone. But what is hurting me now is that my oldest child who hasnt got a boyfriend dosnt wont to spend Xmas with me and my new boyfriend. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. Nothing in life has prepared me for this and Ive been forever altered by it. Thirty days later I lost my only sibling. Wow. Very impressive. The first is a book by the author Megan Devine, Its OK That Youre Not OK. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. I am not suicidal but if i knew my life would end soon, I would be ok with it . Excuse me BRUHH - Castro. I cannot remove all that I know he was going through from my mind. I met him when I was 11 and he was 13. The second year is hard , I dont know if its harder but definitely the break downs still happen Acceptance sits in. Some not so bad. She was my best friend, soul mate my everything. Ive felt lonely and sometimes I dont know how to cope with the loss and pain. It was most recently raised . Thank you for sharing, Its been 2 years and tomorrow 1 month. Do not look for it, you already have it. Id have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. Thats beautiful. I would be very grateful. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. Itll be two years next month since my my husband ofalmost 30 years died. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. I lost my You pick up the pieces and go on, to create a new life for you. It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath. Im in month 25. Tracy. My husband died 8 mos ago. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. So sad. I lost my husband 2 years ago suddenly and left behind with 2 young children. Minimizing change gives the cat time to come to terms with the loss of a companion cat. Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research. He did have some medical issues but he pulled through all of them and then suddenly passed. Living with cancer was all we had ever known. He was truly my best friend. I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. Operation, trial drugs immunotherapy, radiation..and they came back worse every time till they couldnt do anything else. Hi Holly, Its been five and a half months for me since my husband died. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. I was thirteen, now I'm fourteen. Ive hardened, refusing to be let hurt again. Her suffering in the end made things even worse. It will be two years this month. . But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. But they are all difficult to get through without him. I am not outgoing and heave no interest in making new community or establishing a new normal. My life with my beloved was just fine, and I thanked God constantly, for the gift of my soulmate. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. One feels so empty. Hi- I just read your storyits almost been 2 years since my husband died. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can push myself to get past this hurdle. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! My whole life has been turned upside down. I finally was able to pick myself up off the floor one day not ong after that and I decided to take my life back. He was my other half and I know this. Im grateful for the love and time I had with them and I try to look forward to the future for my daughter, All of my parents (mine and my husbands) are aging and sick. I pray that these feelings will pass soon as I am so fed up crying. I too have a friend that Ive known for over 40 years. We did not have any children its just me & my 4 dogs & other pets that we both adored. It left me very melancholy. Children are grown doing well, there are 12 grandchildren, 4 great grand children, and me . Im a single mom and work fulltime. Ive missed her terribly for two years. I will continue the fight. Best to you. I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you. If I could take your hurt away I would. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. I lost my husband if thirty years of You see as more time passes, the enormity of the loss is more amplified. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful I will feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. This is my second year without my husband of 15 years. We were very close. Everyone deals with it in their own way. He was my closest friend and confidant. Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. I became a widow 25 months ago. And worked she was sick of hospitals. The one thing I asked my counselor was why, why would I do that? Its not like I was a trusting person before; now its even less so the case. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. together. I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. My older brother my only sibling. I have no passion for anything and I feel an immense guilt that wont go away. She stopped walking 3 months ago as her brain deterioratedkept alive with a PEG feeding tube. We have to keep going and keep strong! xx. Was told it would help. We were supposed to grow old together. A Erwin Raphael McManus. I can relate to everything you all are saying He was 13 years older than me but it never mattered until he got congestive heart failure. A blessing one night though. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. I dont want medication. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? All the time still being a mum myself to 2 young children who were close to her . I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. Then reality hits home so hard in the gut, I found my self holding back the tears because one I was pregnant with my 3rd son and second I didnt. I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. As for dealing with the every day pain, I will share a story from my life that gets me through it: I have a very low pain threshold. I lose my husband two weeks ago. My dad died 20 months ago. I loved his family but they were always telling me how to grieve and to be happy. Only after EMDR therapy was I able to move past its hold on me. Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part. all the time.God bless you. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. The timeline is based on data on when breakthrough infections occur. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. Hang in there. This effect makes it look like your fingernails, toenails and hair grew longer since you passed away. I wish it would get better and I could smile again, just a simple smile once in awhile. God bless you. Im trying to figure out why its hitting me again all of the sudden after so many months of thinking I was fine. Its the awful realization that she is really gone and will never return and be a part of my life again. Im exactly where you are right now! Amor Eterno I do not belong in this world anymore. And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. Maybe its a happy memory or a photograph. My son took me shopping after my husband died and there was almost nothing I could eat that didnt remind me of him. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. I dont know whats gonna happen. Its been a year. We were together for 3 years every day n night. You might even expect that of yourself. It still hurts and i wish it didnt. I wish the pain would subside more on some days than others. I dove into I feel like I want to lay in bed all day and would be perfectly content doing just that. I feel just like you have expressed. I feel for all of you so much. I am at peace with him being gone, I just miss him like none other. The 1 year anniversary of his death is in a couple days. Ive lost countless close family, but the loss of my husband (best friend, greatest champion, confidante, teacher, counselor in life, one in a million love), is simply unbearable. , Hi to group, i am exactly a year today of loosing my Beloved Husband, Yes its hard, you dont seem to have any time control, like lunch time dinner time bed time, i have spent this last year sleeping on the sofa, as like i said Time, why go to bed nobody else in the house, nobody saying bedtime, same for food, its not time for lunch nobody else in the house wants lunch, so you plod along, decorating and doing all the jobs my husband could not finish, keeps you going then you wonder why, then the grandkids call in for a sweet or somthing , and you plod on again and have a laugh gor a few moments, then the house is quiet, . Thanks for sharing. Missing you always.". I never imagined I would grieve so hard. She has seen so much suffering. They came to everything I was involved in from adolescence into adulthood. The stories Ive read on this site are more in line with my experiences. But i have hope it will get better. If you're a writer, poet, or musician, compose something. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. All you can do is hang on and float. I am just into my second year and the intensity of grieving seems to have increased. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one.

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