we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? It doesnt make sense. Actually no. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. 3. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. Has a great job. theQuietOne Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. In fact, Im sure you could find a wealth of women who never received support a day in their life. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. 1. the baby is not your fault. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. bittergaymark Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. Is that pretty much it? They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, clickHERE! We learned that in middle school. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? Good times. The 5 Top Giveaway Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship - Vixen Daily The kid isnt a rapist, the mother is. April 9, 2012, 12:45 pm. John Rohan This woman might very well be lying. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. April 9, 2012, 3:01 pm, Well, I have to just give the opposite side of this that 1. at least he plans to financially provide for the child and 2. if someone is so adament about not wanting children as he seems to be, then all are probably better off giving the child to the mother only which is a hell of a lot like adoption. Iwannatalktosampson No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Ill never in a million years get it. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. Oops, it took so long that I thought my post was lost in space. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. reader, bright.beautifulK90+, writes (24 November 2010): A I wish it's that easy. You already have something that will tie you to her for minimum 18 years. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. I get what youre saying. Well, now it's been years. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. 1. Because he had sex? Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! Both men and women create children. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. Id drop this guy in a heartbeat. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. Thats a dudes view. 24 signs your ex-girlfriend misses you 1) She's all over your social If Chuck(le) Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. evanscr05 Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. female But it also ought to be her responsibility. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Steve Kellmeyer I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. Like most men are running around handing out free money to them without them having to fight for it. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. But that doesnt change the fact that these people are eating each other alive. honeybeenicki Welcome to parenthood. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. If its not easy, opt out of it. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. And if so, Im ready. So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. SweetsAndBeats Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. That is really fucked up. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. Now? And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? make sure you use back up protection! iseeshiny Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. SweetsAndBeats The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Or so so many of you all keep saying. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. That is what makes him a douchenozzle. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. It doesnt even come close. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. No it isnt. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. Well put. Sue Jones The female of the species carry the offspring. He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. And how can you be mad at the woman? You wouldnt need to administer it. iseeshiny Both of their attitudes kind of suck. STORYTIME: my boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant It makes sense that she would do everything she could to convince us that this other woman wanting to keep the child is the worse thing ever because theyre obviously meant to be and this childs existence is a testament to the fact that their (former and/or current) relationship wasnt/isnt perfect. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. LMAO. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? If the father is ready to accept 100% responsibility for his actions and keep the child, but the woman, not ready for motherhood, wants to abort the child and move on, what do we call this woman? . No. There were no hard feelings). Unbelievable So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. Youre wrong. If you want something different, you must do something different. He didnt give you another child. I kept waiting for someone to say this. Fine, Ill support you in raising the child, but Im not prepared to be a dad. Yes, it is the less than desirable course to take but he is, in a way, owning up to his responsibility (monetarily). Only the fools. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. This guy sounds like scum. Well, ok. April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. CONSTANTLY. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. If the woman is not required to support a child I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. I mean, seriously. Which is not true. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. He should get a damn vasectomy. We dont know that she asked for any money. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Give him another chance. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. Please do better. FireStar If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. Thats the responsible thing for anyone to do after having unprotected sex and before beginning a new relationship. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. The guy started dating someone else. What can you change? lets_be_honest How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. Are you kidding? I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. female Theres a fun scenario. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. female Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. That is not her fault. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? I agree Savannah. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. Like labor isnt extremely painful. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. I love your snark this morning!! How fast his new relationship is moving. Trap Red Flag #1. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. He was there just as much as that woman was. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. James Felix We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. But still a good thing to have. Oh, really? You sure arent one. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . Malarky. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. Paraphrased of course. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. Yes, its true it is past the point. So just ignore them, thats what I do. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. Oh I agree that its a bad idea, but still a choice to be made individually. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. REALLY?! This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. Susie is lost. And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND! (GONE WRONG) | We lets_be_honest Therefore, why are you depressed? How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. One of the draw backs of only knowing someone for a short period of time. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. Category Convertible. Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. Miranda Lambert's new cop hubby lived a 'secret life' - Page Six but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Even when they both want the same thing. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). Though some women seem to believe that is the case. It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. Not your body, not your choice. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Bossip Comment Policy He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH* After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. This guy, you can most definitely live without. Can you elaborate? Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. And is this letter for real? The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? Ah, nothing like some good ol Internet fighting. Marriage to this woman would be the most stupid thing possible. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. For anyone. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. Then the unlikely happens. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? LADIES he could stand her. Have whatever sex you want. Deal with it, ladies. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. It has nothing to do with the man. Lucky us. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A I think its dispicable that you would consider re-uniting with a man that thinks his only obligation as a father is financial support. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. Come on, though Three times? landygirl April 9, 2012, 12:53 pm, He might very well be an immature asshole. Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. I wouldnt. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up!

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