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Thats incredible. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Id cry too if I played golf like you. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial Have fun. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." If you drink, dont drive. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. 1. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest Jim Murray. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Knock, knock "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. 21. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. course sometime. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Ben Hogan. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. But you cant just forget not to think. Clubbing. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. The fourth putt! Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Your email address will not be published. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Don't dirt your soul. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! In case he gets a hole in one. Boo. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. The end. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Golf is a lot like life. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. but I can show you what is! When is it too wet to play golf? You are signed up for our newsletter! Damn, my shaft's all bent. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Very interesting. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. It can be difficult. I'll let you beat me. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Happy Gilmore. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Drop some in the comments! P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Why not! The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. 9. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Bruce Lansky, Author. Twelfth son of the Lama. Keep your sense of humor. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. If you break 80, watch your business. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. 8. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Chip Shot. He said. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? It can be rewarding. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Whos there? Lee Trevino. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Because it would interrupt their tea time. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Sam Snead. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Learn More. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Achieve more with each and every round you play. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures Why do golfers hate cake? What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. 2. Wanna be my caddy? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Basketball is a sport for black men. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. 19. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? I`m really worried about myself. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Whats the difference between golf and sex? Why are computers such naturally good golfers? You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Noah who? A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. 5. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. They expect to succeed! "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. - Bobby Jones The Dalai Lama himself. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Enjoy! How the heck did that happen? "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". So that you can share them back, with the whole world. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Wodehouse G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Andy. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. All lip, no hole. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Because you got me soaking wet. They like cricket better. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Is everything okay?. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? I give him the driver. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Toggle Navigation Menu . 3 of 10. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! I like big putts and I cannot lie. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. They have been there where we are standing now. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. 20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Just in case they get a slice! At the golf corpse! With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? 1. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. The other 20. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Golf?! SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Its almost a law. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. "Hockey is a sport for white men. It bends a little to the left. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. See you in the Email! Here, have a carrot! When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. You look like someone who likes to swing. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Play golf. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. happen again! Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.