how to hold a narcissist accountable

I understand why women with children with the narcissist stay with the NPD because of the children hoping things will change and get better, they have committed to marraige and family. They will say that you are the angry one and that you need help,and walk away full of selfrighteousness. I think however there are differences in people with npd. . Sounds great, but if all others enable, they do not bear the consequencesany wisdom on how to get his family/my family to stop enabling him so I am not assaulted again? I am sure I forgot somethings if there is any doubt in your mind while I am ending this, read this again until you get it. I have purchased all the books here and recommend them highly. Keep in mind that you earn more than I do and that I am raising two children. I held on for several more months hoping that he would come around, but he was really just waiting for me to cave. I have found out who I am, what I need to do for me and to protect my children. My partner realized the change. A month ago he started calling me and emailing me telling me how much he loves me and wants to get back together. Well long story short, I have made the decision to end the relationship because I have finally realized that he has been using, abusing and manipulating me and it has nearly destroyed me. The key element here is that I always know when he has started to break that trust, because out of the blue with no reason at all, my NPD starts treating me very poorly, acts evasive etc. I came across this information 4 yrs. The means of asking for money at the very last minute, the lack of initiate to look for work, and his explosiveness and blaming when he does not receive money he asks for; has now led me very strongly to believe he is narcissist. I stopped wanting him to respect me, my sacrifices, and started asking myself to do it. It is very enlightening. I actually feel like I cant take anymore, and now find myself alone at 60yrs when I thought I would be settled down with someone to spend the rest of my life with. A prolific multi-media content innovator, Kim has created and shared a library of articles and multi-media educational tools including radio shows, Is there a point when I can tell, he has decided he does not want to get better and is not planning to do so? I dont want to walk away but he is pushing me away so far and I just wonder how you all find the strength to continue the dance during times like that. I am sure you did all you could and I am sorry that you feel so angry and disappointed I hope that understanding and time brings you healing. When your second daughters birthday came, keeping in mind again she is 9, a week later, I asked you if you bought her something. I work on myself to cope with that . I know that it is true by the company thst he keeps. They project those feelings on to others and are not capable of empathy. I do not feel the passion/excitement I did when he was abusing me and I was hoping he loved me after all.. and would eventually wake up..and see the error of his hatefulness. Do I defend myself how do I handle the lies he tells me or texts me. Kim reading over all the others complaints only reinforces these type of people do the same thing over and over. I love him, I love my daughter and need to protect her, and I know there is a good man in therebut as long as he sits on both sides of the fence, we will continue to long for the real family that he is not sure he wants to be. She told me when I was in high school that she picked me to take care of all the family members. Thanks to all of you as well. Having spent New Year in a pub on my own I slowly discovered that I need to find out who the hell I am and not accept men to approve what I do I became very insecure with a lot of things that were to follow The silencing that he gave me was unbearable and I slowly realized that I am not to bear my feelings and accept being played to fit his fantasies Months went by and a year into our relationship I started to feel that I was feeling more depressed and felt very insecure about a lot of things that I started to think about suicide as an escape from my reality. In my heart I know its not over, but things are far from good! so many nights i wake up wondering what happened to my sweet man.. When he suggested filing before the first of the month so the creditors would not take their payment, I lend you the $800.00 to pay the attorney fees since you did not have it, with the agreement that you would pay me back on the first. But talk about a grieving process to realize that all that you thought was real love was not. I am better off without him. Am I supposed to live a life of unhappiness till the kids graduate and pray he doesnt completely f*** them up in the mean time? Thank you to all the people who have made comment on this site, it sure has opened my eyes. He has drained it! I wonderedWhat do you think would happen if 2 narcissist got together as a couple? Refusing to challenge a narcissist's opinion helps you avoid the risk of being attacked. She is ignoring any opinions I have on any subject and basically shut me out of her life again. Narcissists view themselves with a "higher than thou" attitude, where they believe they are more special and deserving of things than others. I could never imagine that the sweet kind generous woman I promised to love for the rest of my life, could be so deliberately hurtful, so callous and full of spite and disregard for my feelings. #43 Dear Tanya, Dear Kim, thanks so much for your input. Right now Im in therapy and EMDR is being used to help heal old wounds but in the process hes creating more. Listening to her say mom its to heavy, I cant do it and me having to apologize to her for making her do it. I understand the need of getting these things off your chest. I do believe he misses meand he loves me as much as he is able to love, but this disability is cyclicand I am much too aware of his cycles. Was left for me is to accept the real him and stop falling for the fantasy of who I would like him to be. They are give and give. Good luck, and let us hear from you from time to time. Very spiritual, as well. Steve had pretended everyone loved him at work but of course that wasnt true. Be strong and dont give up or give in. Cause and effect. I had to get over my embarrassment of ever tolerating or choosing this deranged fool for a partner, how ridiculous. That was my on feeling of insecurity. He took the message and never did that again. It just goes to show that there are no single answers. Dealing with a narcissist is dealing with a bully. He says what happened to you? I fell in love with what I thought it was a good sense of self, while I was searching for mine. This was NOT my desired outcome but a result of our unique situation and personalities, and was not the fault of any of the materials or tips Id used during the time I tried to rescue myself and the marriage. So many of you sound as if youre writing about my husband. I am looking for feedback hereI want to work on myself. This is why they move on so easily. Im doing my best to deal with everything. Councellors appear unable to help Do they really tell the truth the then. 5 years later and Steve is still working with me at home and the new lifestyle he has learned here is simple, solid and dependable. Thanks Kim. They are experts at playing with feelings and getting what they want, and you are the one who pays while you self-esteem continues to diminish. Just call me the narcissist repellent 6 mo They respond VIOLENTLY. I couldnt do it for him, it had to come to him. Of course he lied about what he was up to. H even blames me for him breaking up with me, which he does about every two months, and then he wants to make up. Thanks Kim and Steve for all your work and make sure you do the exercises in The Love Safety Work Book :0). We have to stop becoming fuel for these types of people. They are perfect for him.his puppets. I was shocked. One of the most frustrating things about living, loving or working with a person with the signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be their lack of accountability. Ive heared my whole life that she is so wonderful. Being a mom and knowing how much she had been through and not seeing you, I told you that was wrong and that I would buy her something. If he begins to blame anyone else or confabulate you need to be ready to end the conversation very confidently and remain calm and in control of yourself. When i got my head together, i never respected a damn thing about this type of person, and found them to be utterly repulsive and pathetic. For instance, it's important to hold the narcissist accountable when he acts condescending, selfish, controlling, or downright mean. I really am too frightened. Good luck everyone. Hi Kim. He doesnt qualify to ge a divorce. I do not want this life for my children. He was a wonderful, handsome man. Hang in their people get yourself educated about their illness and know this is a mental condition. I guess he was held accountable for his choices and the natural consequences for his behavoir was the loss of his family. He has not moved onto another relationship, though I suspect he uses porn as comfort. How Do You Hold A Narcissist Accountable? I dont want to lose him. Obviously, it does nothing and never has. Hi Michelle, I cannot urge you strongly enough to purchase Back From the Looking Glass. I did go to counseling but he wouldnt go, after cancer treatment, diagnosis, physical abuse,life of pornography and affairs. Financially Im in a bad place as I quit my job a few months ago and now make jewelry but Im broke. Understanding who I am will get me through the day . I moved to Minnesota to help her because she is 70 now and had rotator cuff surgery. 4 Deny them what they want. So..I learned alot because of this horrid person and a few others, and i will never repeat that kind of stupidity. When someone is being selfish and KNOWS theyre being selfish or not accountable for bad behavior, I really want them to understand how mean and hurtful theyre being, and how theyre creating fallacies merely to rationalize it to escape blame. When I was in Grad school, the therapists teaching the classes on Child Therapy would say to ignore a childs bad behavior and eventually it would be extinguished. Your comment stuck with me. I pray for him and work with him now As much as I can and as lovingly as I can. I really think your theory is wise! I told him that I needed him to make decision by tonite which ofcourse he didnt like at all. We pretty much all do that but that just adds fuel to their fire and gives them more power.You are most likely a very special person and through your experiences will have developed qualities that some people may never have.To Kym and Steve, I propose a toast for being honest enough to share some very private and personal things so that others may be helped. It is great that you understand boundary setting so well. I have adopted his ways of thinking. The thing is whenever he performs one of his roles, I tell him that isnt the person I want. I only hope I will be safe in doing so. and want to learn to truly love not for what they give me but for what I can give! One of the most effective ways to induce a reverse discard is by using what is known . Our entire marriage he has NEVER taken responsibilty for anything. And of course its all my fault! While taking 60 days of total leave in a year and doing nothing. He was physical abuseive at times and pretending he did nothing or I lied or to blame me really messes my self worth up. I dont want my children to marry a person like him. I constantly remind myself of this. I have known for years that my partner is a nar. (4) he lied to me every day, hides stuff and he verbally attacks me telling me what a liar, I am, how I lie lie lie lieWhen he is the only liar. But that makes it no less hurtful and no less difficult to accept how she simply trashed our hopes and dreams together. I love him deeply to this day. When I was looking for it and asked you, you said you didnt see it. DA I read how to hug a porcupine and it explained that when you are dealing with a toxic person you can start behaving toxic too. You are right on target. Granted he has almost destroyed me mentally but Physically no. 14) When it was your daughters birthday keep in mind she is 8 and I was worried about you not buying her a present and letting her know you loved her. It will serve as a reminder that you too are in control of things. But my heart knows that I will never be able to count on him to be there for me unless it suits him and his own needs at the time. The consequences of his actions in this situation are hard to tell. They use name-calling, making fun of people, putting others down, judging. As that happens they will most likely begin treating you differently and seeing that they need to earn your respect too. Thank you Kim. So, I think who am I hurting? You will find loads of advice and support in the articles here and also my ebooks (-: Thank you for your article. Ahhh! Really tough though. I use to say to myself, o my goodness, how in the world will we ever get to the stuff that makes us want to be with people. My next step is to purchase The Love Safety Net Workbook. 3. I finally questioned it. I was!!! Your idea may work but it may also be hard for you to make him carry through on when he gets home. 2. Hi Kim and Steve, so doing, we are able to sustain the necessary leverage for healing, for enduring change. But I cant call the police, or the doctor, or even the priest, and say my husband said hed call me but he didnt and he got mad at me when I expected him to be sorry about that or My husband laughed at my idea like it was ridiculous. I just got served with a baseless lawsuit by him and now have to find a pro bono attorney as I have no money but with his slick attorney ways, he will someone win even though CPS has said he cant see the kids unsupervised but the courts are allowing him to file suit for custody??

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